Such a Monday......

Shoot me now, please.

Wow, it's only 12:30 in the afternoon and I'm already feeling the need to cuddle up with a tub of ice cream and watch Gilmore Girls.... I wasn't planning on blogging today, but the current need to vent right now is strong! Plus, I have a minute or two while the kids are watching Little Einsteins, my goal with that being, when the reporter puts his microphone in my face 15 years down the road and asks how I feel about being the mother of two bank robbers, I can proudly say, "Yeah, but just look at how intelligent they are! That's not the work of a common idiot off the street...." (insert sarcasm here)

This crappy day began at 5:30am. Like clock work, Austin came into our room, slamming doors behind him. I jumped out of bed and begged him to go downstairs and quietly play with his toys so the rest of us could sleep, and PLEEAASSSEE don't wake the baby!! Yeah, I know, plea bargaining with a two year old....did I really think he would listen? No. I was just hoping maybe this morning the Gods were with us. No such luck.

He continued being noisy, and I continued threatening, until 6am when our super loud security alarm went off. Apparently my sister had forgotten which day it is and thought she was supposed to babysit for me while I worked. Nope, that would be tomorrow. (insert crying baby now)

Since we had three hours to kill until it was time to hit the gym, we did chores and played with Wally, our vacuuming robot. I wrote out a congratulations card to my cousin who is graduating from High School and planned on sending it off on our way out. It was as I was dropping the card into the Outgoing Mail slot that I realized I had completely forgotten to put a stamp on it! There was money in that card! So hopefully it finds its way back to us someday, or I just gave the Mailman an early Birthday present....

I soldiered on with perfect faith that all would be right in the world again if I could just get on that treadmill. It was 30 minutes into my run when I got the ever dreaded tap on the shoulder. The daycare teacher was there to tell me my son was having a melt down....GRRrrrrrr!!!

I held him until the crying stopped and then tried to get him to tell me what had happened. All he could come up with was he was just feeling sad today. Since there didn't seem to be any damage done, I again started with the plea bargaining... "Please Austin! Just 30 more minutes! Just give me 30 more minutes!!" I almost had him back in the game when the teacher informed me that Evelyne had pooped her diaper. Apparently it just wasn't in the cards, so I gave up. Onward troops! Off to the next thing on our list! Grocery shopping.....

Call me a fool, I wouldn't blame you. Yes, despite all the bad karma coming our way, I attempted grocery shopping.

It was a nightmare. I was holding back the tears while my son screamed for a hot dog and my baby cried because she couldn't shove my entire iPod into her mouth. A charming fellow shopper in front of me informed me that my children must be hungry. I laughed hysterically. It's official, I've gone insane.

We got the hot dog and I raced out of the building as fast as possible, but not before grabbing 32 ounces of Diet Dr. Pepper. Mommy fuel, insanity serum, whatever you want to call it, I was going to have it!

After the groceries were loaded and the kids were buckled, I handed Austin his hot dog. "NOOOO!!! I don't want a hot dog!!!" he protested. "Oh Lord, someone help me!" I literally yelled in the parking lot in front of everyone. Turns out he just wanted the hot dog bun, not the hot dog. I peeled out of the parking lot with a sad, lonely hot dog by my side, while my kids happily snacked on the bun that once encased it.

To top off this no good, very bad day, they both fell asleep within minutes. Yep, just an hour before my much beloved nap time, my kids decided to pass out in the car. Since it would be a good 15 minutes before we reached home, they would receive the perfect power nap to keep them up the rest of the afternoon, leaving me with no break whatsoever. Sorry Mom, maybe next time....

This was going to be the week of extreme dieting, but after this realization, I took a look at that poor, defeated hot dog in the passenger seat and I ate it like there was no tomorrow; occasionally stopping to guzzle some Diet Doctor Pepper in between breaths.

Then, as I was unloading groceries and carrying my sleeping monsters into the house, Austin wrapped his tiny arms around my neck and sleepily whispered, "I yuv you Mommy....".

Game Changer.

Dang it, I was REALLY hoping to continue regretting his existence for the rest of the day. How is it possible to hate someone so much one minute, and then absolutely fall head over heels in love with him the next??? Four simple words and I am putty in his hands.

Reminds me of a quote from Johnny Depp:

"Breathe. It’s only a bad day, not a bad life.”