Waiting and Day-Dreaming

Waiting. It's the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself always getting frustrated with life because I don't want to wait anymore! So in the midst of this frustration, I day-dream...

What is it I day-dream about? 

It's funny because my dreams haven't changed much since I was a little girl. I used to come home from school and sit on our front porch swing (when we lived in Utah) and spend hours swinging back and forth, while day-dreaming about my future and what it might hold for me. Of course there was always the handsome man with the great career and the beautiful house full of beautiful children. And in my dreams I was always happy. 

Today, I'm dreaming about our house. 

-I want so badly to have our own home again! 

-I want to cook and bake whenever the mood strikes me without having to ask permission, or ask where things are. 

-I want to "nest" and put together our little boys room so that it will feel more real that he is actually going to be here soon. 

-I want to have access to the internet again without having to go to the library, or use my cell phone. 

-I want to have privacy and not have to tell people where I am going all the time and when I will be home.

-I want to have control over the TV so I can watch what interests me, and not have to worry about it being interesting to other people. 

-I want to be able to practice yoga in my living room without someone watching me and laughing at how ridiculous some of the poses are.

-Basically, I just want a place I can call my own, so I can be myself. 

***The projected completion date of our house is July 31st, and then we will probably be able to move in a week after that. So I have a little over a month of day-dreaming before this dream becomes a reality. Time can't move any faster!!!  

This is what our house looked like a week ago when I met up with the building supervisor to go over the building plans and layout that we wanted. Since then, we were told that they put in all the insulation and will be doing the dry wall next!

  

I'm also dreaming about our baby.

-I can't wait to hold him, cuddle with him, and breathe in that sweet scent of a newborn. 

-I am excited to put our awesome new stroller to good use and go on lots of walks/runs with him! 

-I am soooooo excited for the holidays so we can experience those with him for the first time!

-In my dreams our baby has hair, and lots of it! So of course I will be styling his hair and dressing him in all sorts of adorable little man outfits all day long!

The only damper I've been feeling about this dream is that I will be a full time working mom.... That was never a part of the dream, and it bothers me a lot. Why did the economy have to crash? Why can't it be like the 1950's when Dads went to work and Moms stayed home with the kids and got together with the neighborhood ladies every Wednesday afternoon for the weekly card game? I envy our Grandparents and the simple lives they led. 

But then again, would I be willing to give up all of our vacations? Or how about all of our fun date nights, Sonic runs for their amazing Vanilla-CokeZero's, dinners out, pedicures, and shopping sprees (once I can actually fit into normal clothes again)? Or what about the house we are currently building? When I think about it that way, I remember why I work. Basically it's because I want it all and that kind of lifestyle takes $$$.  

 So basically I just need to be more patient. Come mid-July, our angel will be here and about two weeks after that our house will be finished. Then we can move in, set up the nursery, and I will finally have my kitchen back along with all the privacy, yoga, and stroller walks/runs I could ever ask for!

Not a bad dream :).

 

  

 

Baby News ~ 37 Weeks (THE FINAL MONTH!!!!)

It's the last leg of the race and the end is in sight!

Remember how I mentioned that I am scared to death of labor/delivery? Well, I'm at the point now where even that doesn't sound too bad if it means I can get this pregnancy over with! It is an extremely uncomfortable feeling being 3X your normal size. I can't eat very much because there is no room for the food to go anywhere so I end up waking up in the middle of the night to throw up. The heat has been a KILLER and that too makes me nauseous, swollen, and lightheaded. It hurts to walk, it hurts to sit....and when I try to lie down I can't breathe! So yes, I am at that point where I will go through the pain if I can just feel normal again!!

At 37 Weeks I Am:

Craving- fruits and chocolate. The fridge is packed with strawberries, apples, grapes, nectarines, peaches, lemons, grapefruit, and plums at the moment and every Friday I go back to the farmer's market for more! I'm trying to eat more of the healthy stuff than the chocolate but I won't lie and say that I am trying very hard ;).

Feeling- Exhausted, hot (in the non-sexy sense of the word), and excited to meet our baby boy very soon! We can't wait to hold him and love him, and hopefully he will be a good baby and feel the same way about us. With how hard working has become, I'm really hoping the baby comes early. I have been getting really swollen in my hands, legs, and feet. The other day when I took off the compression socks I wear while I work, my knees were literally the size of grapefruits! I have also been having trouble with low blood pressure. My normal blood pressure and heart rate are always low, but now that I am pregnant it has gotten to the extremely low category which puts the baby at risk for not getting enough oxygen. I know, normally pregnant women have the opposite problem. So the bright side of this situation is that my doctor wrote a note to my boss saying I'm not allowed to work overtime, on call, or graveyard shifts until the baby comes! Yay!!!

Loving: Not a whole lot right now (sorry this is such a negative post). However, I HAVE loved getting the final baby shopping done! I took inventory of everything we got at the baby showers and everything we are missing, and then went on a shopping spree with all the gift cards/cash we were given. Josh has been wanting a Colin Kaepernick jersey for the baby to wear so that the two of them can cheer on the 49'ERS together this year all decked out in their gear. So of course I decided to take it a step further and for Father's Day bought Josh all sorts of 49'ERS stuff (including the baby jersey and a shirt of his own) to decorate the baby's bedroom with! We had decided on making the nursery into a little baby man-cave with all of our favorite teams and their souvenirs. This means we need to make a trip to the University of Utah bookstore this summer because of course he is going to be a huge UTAH fan! Josh was soooooo excited (which made my day) and he can't wait for our house to be finished so we can decorate! Basically this kid is going to like sports whether he wants to or not hahaha.

   

PS. I just had my weekly OB checkup and the doctor said the baby is still pretty high, so it doesn't look like he will be coming any time soon, but better luck next time :(. I am going to die if I am like my Mom and end up going 2 weeks overdue without even dilating!!

Baby News - 35 Weeks

I am now 35 weeks along and am definitely feeling ready to be done with this pregnancy business. The baby weighs approximately 5 1/4 pounds and is over 18 inches long! I am feeling the extra weight and it doesn't feel like it is possible for him to get any bigger or I might explode! But besides the aches and pains, we are really really excited!!! Just 5 more weeks until we get to meet our little man! I have been craving tuna fish again.... not sure what's up with that. Maybe I'm not eating enough protein? The new craving though has been chocolate. I always want chocolate and sadly for my waist line, I have been eating a lot of it. Work has become very difficult now that I am getting bigger and it is putting a huge strain on my back and poor swollen legs.

This was the baby bump at 32 weeks on our Anniversary Getaway.

It's hard to see the bump since I am wearing black, but this is the best most recent picture I have (34 weeks at my baby shower with my best friend Jura).

We have been working hard and saving up money for our house and new baby that should both be coming around the exact same time this summer! It will be so nice to have our own place again and we can't wait to finally have the ability to set up the baby's bedroom!

The baby moves around like crazy now-a-days and I have loved it....except when he decides to reach up into my ribs and start hitting things.... I think I liked it better when he was lower because the expansion of my ribcage has not been a fun feeling.

Sometimes the baby moves around so much at night that it has even woke Josh up! Josh has been such a sweet heart through everything and I love him so much. At night he curls up to me and puts his face by my belly and that's how we've been falling asleep. I love my boys so much already and I haven't even officially met one of them! 

Isn't Life Grand!

Recently in the life of Josh and Ashly: 

The Latest On Our House

This is what our new house is looking like so far! We will meet with the Building Supervisor to go over details of what's next with the process on Monday. We were so excited to get to walk through it and daydream about our lives once it is finished. It is being built in West Henderson in a master planned community called INSPIRADA. We fell in love with the community the minute we saw it. There are parks, a community center, and pools everywhere (or there will be once all the building is finished) and right across from our house will be the water park where our kids can play! We weren't sure why we were supposed to move to Nevada in the beginning but things have been going pretty great since we got here so we must be doing something right!

WE CELEBRATED OUR 3RD ANNIVERSARY!!!

 Time flies when you're having fun, right? I actually had to work on our anniversary so we celebrated early by staying at the Aliante Hotel/Casino. Our weekend consisted of lounging by the pool, eating at different restaurants, attending the "Best Dam BBQ cook off" in Boulder City, talking and laughing, and catching up on long lost sleep in our nice hotel room that came with dark-out curtains. It was pure bliss!!

I can't even tell you how nice it was to lounge around all day reading and eating kettle-corn we had bought from the BBQ cook-off!

Our Anniversary Oasis

I can't believe this crazy guy has been all mine for 3 years now! Words can't describe how much I love him!

Happy 3 year Anniversary!! I think I could handle 3 more.... ;)

Jewel Concert With My Mom

I have wanted to see Jewel in concert since I was 12 years old and a couple of weeks ago, my dream came true! My Mom and I got to see her at the Smith Center and she was just as amazing and beautiful as I had imagined! She sang all of my favorite songs and even took requests from the crowd. Needless to say, I was in heaven. The opening artists were pretty great/hilarious too! Thanks Mom for the fun night out!

Nevada Baby Shower 

 

Let's just say, this kid is going to be one spoiled little boy! My Mom and her friend threw me a beautiful baby shower and so many people I have loved throughout my life came! It was a blast, and thank you to everyone who came! I felt so so loved! This is basically a photo dump because the pictures explain it all.

Old high school friends! I loved getting to catch up on everyone's lives and little babies!

Opening up all my gifts!

As you can see, there were a lot of them!

The food was delicious! You can't go wrong with fruit and a chocolate fountain!

I"m so sad we didn't take before-pics of the tables before everyone got into the food because they were set up really cute!

Concerts in Laughlin

We also took a little trip to Laughlin about a month ago and saw Joan Jett and the Steve Miller Band with my parents. This trip was more for Josh and Nathan than it was for my Mom and I, but we had a lot of fun none-the-less. We stayed in a hotel by the Colorado River and had fun eating, enjoying the pool, and playing on the penny slots a little bit ;). It was a very nice weekend getaway and Laughlin is actually a pretty cool little town (contrary to my previous belief)!  

The Steve Miller Band

Josh and I by the Colorado River

We got to take a water taxi across the Colorado River because two stubborn personages (who will remain nameless) wouldn't ask for directions and our feet were killing us from walking around so much! That boat ride was actually one of my favorite parts of the whole trip so I ended up not being quite so annoyed :).

***Just a side note for any 70's music lovers: Smoke tends to settle, so unless you enjoy getting high off of 2nd hand marijuana smoke, buy the bleacher seats as high up as you can get them! It saves you money AND is a little less disgusting! Plus you won't have crazy pot-heads dancing up on you all night. My parents learned that lesson the hard way. Josh and I just happen to be cheapsters so our experience wasn't quite as bad/hilarious depending on how you look at it hahaha ;).

Humbled and So Grateful

I had a patient the other day who truly made an impact in my life in a way that I will never be able to explain, but I will try.

She was a 21 year old girl who was born with Sickle Cell Anemia and due to a really poor decision on an ER doctors part one night, she is now also in End Stage Renal Failure. I instantly connected with this patient as I was performing her dialysis treatment and we found ourselves talking throughout the entire 4 hours I was there. It started out with small talk and then she asked me something so simple, and yet so humbling to me that I had to literally take a second to stop and think about my answer.

She asked me, "What's it like to be married?" At first I was going to ramble off the usual, "It's great!" and move on. But then I started realizing that this poor girl who has spent her entire life in a hospital bed is asking me sincerely, what is marriage like? I couldn't find the words, and a part of me wanted to cry for her. I wanted to cry because she will probably never get to experience the wonderful blessing of marriage that I have been given. I wanted to cry because she told me earlier that the best moment of her entire life was graduating from high school. I wanted to cry because every day she looks forward to her mom bringing her a hot dog from 7-11 as if it was the greatest moment of her day... and sadly, it probably is. So how do I explain to someone who has never experienced anything but IV's, medications, and the four walls of a hospital room how amazing it is to be bound to the man you love for all eternity and to be carrying his child?

I decided the best thing to do was to be honest. I told her about our marriage from the beginning. I included the ups/the downs and the funny little details in between. She laughed and told me how lucky I am to have such an amazing life and that she herself had never even had a boyfriend.... Ugh, gut wrencher right there.

Then she asked me, "What is it like to be pregnant?" Again, I could feel the tears coming. My first instinct was to laugh it off and tell her she isn't missing much between the morning sickness, acne, and what seems like constant uncomfortableness. But then I thought again about how this girls poor body will never be capable of bearing children, and how her only experience of it would be through what I tell her.  So of course I had to be honest and give a few ugly details, but I also had to somehow put into words how amazing it is to know that God has chosen me to give a body to one of his babies, and has blessed me with the ability to experience the miracle of feeling our little boy's tiny movements, and sweet presence that is constantly with me everywhere I go.

I spent the rest of the night pondering what I had learned from this experience and felt so humbled and disgusted at myself for how easily I become ungrateful for the many blessings that are constantly showered down upon me. Josh and I went on a date to a Mexican restaurant that night after work and I cried while I told him the whole story. I wanted him to somehow know how grateful I am for my life and that he is the main character in it, as well as how grateful I am that he has made me a Mother and has given me the opportunity to experience these sweet, once in a lifetime moments that sadly not everyone can have. I so easily become distracted with the complications and stresses of life, that I forget about what matters and how blessed I am. So, to try and make sure that doesn't happen again, I've made a list of things I have to be grateful to my Father in Heaven for and I plan on looking at it daily to remind myself that no matter how hard life gets, somebody out there always has it worse.

My Gratuity List:

1) I am grateful that I Married Josh. That statement bears a lot of meaning in my head because those who were close to us at the time know that there was a short time during our dating life that we broke up and didn't plan on ever seeing each other again. I look back on that and think, "Oh my gosh, I almost missed out on being married to the most amazing man in the world! WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!" Josh is my world. He is my life and I seriously feel like Romeo and Juliet when I think about anything ever happening to him. I have never known a more selfless man. He allows me to be who I am (the control- freak perfectionist) and very rarely gets mad or annoyed at me. I, however, am not so unconditionally loving sometimes and I feel terrible about it whenever I stop and remember how good he treats me.

2) I am grateful to be pregnant. Yes, I complain A LOT, and for good reason (I feel)! But I need to remember that there are some out there who cannot bear children, and who are constantly struggling with that pain. When I think about it that way, I once again feel terrible about my selfishness and try to refocus myself on how in love I already am with this baby and how excited I am to meet him in a few short months! 

3) I am grateful to have an amazing family (In-laws included!!). They are and have always been my rock. Whenever I was struggling in life, I ran to my Mom. Whenever I couldn't go to my Mom, I ran to my sisters. How lucky am I?! Yes, they drive my crazy about 50% of the time and there are moments when I joke with Josh about checking them all into a nut-house but I love them dearly and can't imagine my life without a single one of them. 

Just take a look at them! How could you not love these people?!

    4) I am grateful for my membership in the LDS church. I proudly tell people I am "a Mormon" when they ask me at work and hope that by my example the negative stigmas that are always given to my fellow church members will be changed. I have never known a more humble, loving, compassionate, service oriented people and I am so grateful to be a part of everything they stand for and believe in. The church has been the backbone in my life, and without it, I know I wouldn't be who I am today. Life is too tough to go through it without God by your side.

5) I am grateful that I chose to be a Nurse. Yes, there are days when I want to shoot myself and I go to sleep hearing the ringing of call lights in my ears and the stress of knowing there are so many people who need my love and compassion but I just can't give it anymore because I literally feel like I have nothing left to give. That sounds terrible, but my fellow nurses out there know what I am talking about! However, my job brings me such joy and happiness knowing that everyday I am serving, saving lives, and hopefully making somebody else's day better. That's the goal anyways.   

I could go on and on with this but I will stop and focus on these 5 for now. I hope that in some way I have made your day a little better and by sharing the story of my patient, have given someone else out there a reason to be grateful for their lives as well.

Baby News - 30 Weeks!

30 Weeks Update

I am now at the 30 weeks marker and I can't believe it! That means about 10 more weeks to go! I have mixed feelings about things because I will be really happy to no longer be pregnant so that I can have my body back to exercise (the way I want to exercise) and to not feel so tired, light headed, and achy all the time. But then again, I also feel like I don't want this baby to ever come out because then I will be faced with the reality that I am now a Mom! It just sounds so unreal to me and I get so scared that I won't be good at it, or a part of me will regret it in some way. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just being honest here. Plus, there's the whole labor/delivery thing that I've always been terrified of. I get anxiety just thinking about it! Props to you moms out there who have gone natural throughout the whole process, but I am getting me an epidural!

At 30 weeks the baby is about 15.7 inches and about 3 pounds. I am definitely starting to feel that extra weight because I can't sit for longer than an hour without becoming extremely uncomfortable and having back/pelvic pain. He can now hear everything (in an underwater way) and can see!

I no longer have a belly button which tells you how stretched out I have been feeling. I also haven't been sleeping well due to leg cramps, random stress attacks in the middle of the night, and just plain uncomfortableness which  makes it really hard to work 14 hour shifts and stay awake/not make any mistakes. You know you aren't getting enough sleep when you have random bumps and bruises on you from constantly running into walls/garbage cans/and anything else that can't get out of the way fast enough. I have been LOVING how much he moves around and I find myself constantly holding onto my belly just waiting for some more kicking action to occur. I haven't had any extreme cravings, but fresh fruits and vegetables always sound good! We went to a Farmer's Market a couple weeks ago and I was in heaven! Let's just say the strawberries and tomatoes didn't last very long :). 

Next on our list of things to do is to register at a hospital, find a Pediatritian, and sign up for some birthing classes since that moment I've been dreading is just around the corner!  Oh, and start planning my Nevada baby shower! I can't wait! 

**Note: I have been so crazy busy that I didn't mention at 20 weeks we found out we are having a BOY!! That was such a fun moment in our lives, and a sweet memory we will never forget. Josh and I watched patiently as the ultrasound tech tried for over 45 minutes to get our little man to stop moving long enough to see something, and then finally, she gave us the news that I am now the outnumbered one in our little family! We both felt like it was a boy from the beginning and were so excited to find out we were right. I had wanted a girl, but all of that totally disappeared the minute she gave us the news. I went to work on cloud nine after the appointment and Josh went to the store and bought an adorable little baseball outfit to use to break the exciting news to my family!

Spring Has Come and Gone...

I am so behind in my blogging it's not even funny..... So I'm going to do a big recap on everything we've been up to lately because, although this might be boring stuff you've already heard before, we use this blog as a journal of our lives so that we can remember all the fun and not so fun things we've been through together.

Let's start with Baby News: 24 Weeks!

 

 This is at 24 weeks. I have loved the second trimester because I have gotten to experience all of the fun parts of pregnancy (maternity clothes, baby kicks, lots of attention from random strangers) without the vomiting, heart burn, and other non-fun things. Baby kicks more and more every day and at this point, he was about 11 inches long and 1 lb.
  

Baby News: 28 Weeks!

I am 28 weeks along now, and haven't taken another baby bump picture so here's a picture from my baby shower in Utah. I'm in the third trimester and have already started feeling the aches and pains, especially at work. Life would be so great if we didn't have to work, right? Baby is now 14.5 inches and weighs 2.5 pounds. I got to experience the joy of the glucose screening test, yuck! Thankfully everything came out normal so I don't have to redo it. The hard part was fasting for 12 hours before the appointment when you are working a night shift and then having to drink that super sugary drink after not having sleep or anything but water for 13 hours. I can remember telling myself, "don't throw up, don't throw up!" Because if you do, you have to come back and do it all over again. I don't have the nausea/vomiting that I had in the first trimester, but my stomach gets really sensitive if I go too long without eating. I can't believe how big the baby has gotten just in the last 4 weeks! I just suddenly popped out! It's so funny because people come up to me now and are like, "Oh, you really are pregnant aren't you!" Yeah, like I would really lie about something like that.... but anyways, my favorite part of this time has been at night before I go to bed. I'm usually all stressed out from work and so my new favorite way of relaxing before I fall asleep is to lay in bed with my hand on my stomach and just feel all the movements inside of me and think about what life is going to be like soon with this sweet little guy in our lives. If Josh hasn't already fallen asleep, he rolls over next to me and puts his hand on my belly too and we laugh every time the baby makes a really big movement, and talk about things before we drift off to sleep. That's what's so great about being married. You have a partner in life to go through these special moments with and I love that Josh is so attentive and loving towards me and the belly :).

Utah Baby Shower

I had the greatest time at my Utah baby shower! My mother in law put it on for me (with the help of some sister in laws) and it turned out beautifully. I couldn't believe how many people showed up! We had to have had at least 50 people in the house at one point! I felt so loved, and I truly appreciated everybody's support. I loved that I got to see people from college that I haven't seen in forever! The picture above is of me and my college roommate/best friend Wrandi. I loved that she came early just to help out and spend extra time with me! I hate that we live so far away now. 

Family is the best! And I married into a pretty dang good one!

I got so many adorable little clothes and toys!

Is this clever or what?! It's a dog riding a motorcycle made out of diapers!

The Prieto family, friends from our first married ward when we lived in the Sky Harbor Apartments. I was so excited that they came!

And of course, all the amazing food!

We were sad to leave Utah that Sunday after all the fun we had over the weekend. It was a short, but very sweet trip! Josh got to hang out with his brothers and go through the temple with his Dad which was a really great experience for him. We are proud of you Art! 

 

Clark County Fair 2013

Growing up in Logandale, NV meant for really boring summers and lots of time at the pool which can also become really boring when you do it all the time. But then there was the one perk to the rural life that still gets me excited every time spring rolls around..... THE CLARK COUNTY FAIR!! We met up with my family on Saturday and spent the day watching concerts, giant black bears doing tricks, eating wayyyyyy too much junk food, and playing at the carnival! It was pure bliss and I can't wait for next year when our baby can go too!

Sadie and I, getting our fair food on!

Riding the ferris wheel with my Momma. Being prego, that's the only ride I could go on so I had to watch while everyone else did the "big kid rides." I had fun just watching all the silly faces they made though so it all worked out.

 

Turning 25 

I turned 25 this march and although I had to work on my actual birthday, the other days we celebrated were so great, it made up for it!

Josh took me to Lake Las Vegas for the weekend!

If you haven't been there, GO! It's gorgeous! It's like a hidden oasis in the desert. Looking back, you can see how much the baby bump has grown in just a month!

We spent the weekend listening to outdoor concerts while eating chocolate caramel apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, lounging by the pool, and eating bratwursts since it was also St. Patrick's Day weekend.

We also did a family party which included a dinner of my choice and a beautifully set table with flowers and lots of love from everyone!

As you can see, we have been VERY VERY BUSY! Every week is packed with things to do, places to go, and people to see. But I wouldn't trade this life for anything. They broke ground on building our new house last week and so that process has finally started! Sadly, it probably won't be finished until after the baby is born but we are lucky to have such a great family who have been willing to let us stay with them while we wait for our new home! We can't wait to have our new home and our new baby. It's funny how life takes you places you didn't expect and then suddenly you realize that it was for the best and you are so much happier now than you ever could have been!