Goodbye Papa Art

It has been over a month and I am just now getting up the courage to write about this. Our hearts have been so broken. We have all  been trying to get through this, but every time Austin hears a motorcycle and yells, "It's Gampa!" I want to cry.... Josh just doesn't talk about it. He's more of a hold it all in until you finally explode on someone kind of guy.

It was Sunday September 13th, exactly 6 days from when we left Utah. The baby was 5 months old and growing out of her bassinet so we decided it was time to get her nursery put together. We spent the day taking apart her crib and moving it from Austin's room to what used to be the guest room, as well as the other furniture she needed. We needed another crib mattress because Austin's todddler bed had the previous one, so Josh made a run to Target. It was taking him an unusually long time to get home so I called him and asked what was going on.....

"Nick just called.... my Dad died." he said. I was so confused and really hoping I had just heard him wrong so I asked him to repeat himself. "He was killed in a motorcycle accident about an hour ago." he told me. He was so eerily calm about it, like he was in total shock. I started crying and saying, "no, No, NO!" over and over again. This can't be happening was the thought that kept running through my brain. When Josh got home, we both sat on the floor and cried. The whole thing was so surreal! We had just seen him 6 days ago! We had already planned his next trip out here to visit! What were we going to do without Papa Art?!

The next week was a blur of tears and forced smiles. We didn't sleep much that night and in the morning decided to both take the week off from work and drive to Utah to help Nick with the funeral arrangements. We were glad we did because Nick was in over his head! We stayed with Janis and Steve and left the kids with them each day while we helped Nick and Tony (who had flown in from Texas) to get the funeral prepared, and go through Art's house searching for his Will, trying to help Nick out with that big financial mess as much as we could before we all had to go home. It appeared that Art had gone through quite a few years of financial struggle. He never told anyone how bad it was, and continued to splurge on himself and all the rest of us like he was doing just fine. Well, now that we have gone through his piles of bills, back due taxes, and double mortgages, we know the truth. The good news is he prepared for his death well by purchasing multiple life insurance policies! That helps us out a lot by giving us some breathing room to pay back the government what he owes and he also left $250,000 to all three of his boys! That was the happy surprise! We now have enough money to pay off our house and still have some left over! The sad surprise was that he never updated his Will since 2007 and had basically left everything to his ex-girlfriend (Lisa). At first this was a huge blow to all of us. How could he have done that to us? How unbelievably insensitive to put your girlfriend ahead of your family! We searched the house high and low, trying to find an updated Will. It just seemed insane that he would have broken up with Lisa years ago, and still left her in his Will! We prayed for Art's help numerous times that week. We prayed for him to help us find the latest Will, we prayed for him to help us find his temple clothing which for some reason nobody could find and the mortuary was going to charge us $350 for! The cool part of all this was Art seemed to be working through me throughout all of this. He and I were always so close. He would tell me I was his favorite and as we talked to friends and neighbors they all told me the same. There was one very sweet email that was sent to me from his close coworker that said this:

Ashly, did you know you were Art's fav daughter-in-law? I only speak the truth:) You always made him feel comfortable and welcome when he visited and he loved the way you love his son. What a beautiful compliment. I am here for all of you in any way you need. 

 Through inspirational feelings that I know came from Art, I was able to find the most updated Will for the family and after reading it, I was able to assure them that the house that was mentioned in the Will is actually an older house that was already sold long ago. It was still depressing that it mentioned giving her $250,000 along with the rest of us but it turns out he owes wayyyyy more than that and there won't be anything left of his estate to give to her anyway. When I found this, Josh and I both held each other in Art's bedroom and cried. It was a dismal, rainy day and the crazy part is the harder we cried, the stronger the rain poured! It became a monsoon in seconds! We looked out the balcony window and knew at that second Art was in heaven crying with us. It was amazing how strongly we felt Art's presence throughout that week. It was like he hadn't left us yet! When everyone was upset about not being able to find his temple clothes I felt him telling me to go upstairs and look in the bottom of his closet. There I found a random gym bag and when I opened it, there they were! The problem was he didn't have the envelope with all the robes and stuff there in the bag. So again, I felt his spirit telling me to search his underwear drawer and TA-DA! There they were! Everyone was amazed and kept asking me how I knew where everything was?! I only told Josh that it was his Dad showing me. It was too special of a moment for me to share with everyone else. In the temple bag I also found Art's name tag from when he would work in the temple. I gave that to Josh and told him to keep it in his own temple bag and that way every time he went to the temple it would be a reminder that his Dad was near. I'm crying now as I'm writing this, just remembering how much Josh and I cried as it was all happening! 

We all worked together to get his fridge cleaned out so the food wouldn't rot, remove all the valuables from the house in case it was robbed once the obituary went into the paper (this happened to the house down the street), and get everything set and ready for the funeral. Josh and I were put in charge of the obituary and the slide show for the funeral. We were both happy to be given those tasks because it was the perfect way to honor Art and the great man that he was. I was so grateful for Janis and Steve because we didn't have to worry about the kids during this whole awful ordeal. They were busy having fun and eating ice cream for breakfast! Austin accidentally leaked that little tidbit of info to us and Grandma finally admitted to it ;). Although we were grateful for their help, it was also a really awkward situation because Steve hated Art and it seemed like our presence was causing issues in Janis and Steve's marriage. Janis wanted to talk about things and cry over the loss of Josh's Dad, but Steve wouldn't allow it. There were times when you could cut the tension with a knife and we felt like we really needed to get out of there. I felt bad for Josh through all of this because with one parent dead, and at such a young age, he really needed his Mom. But she wasn't able to be there for him like she should have been. Yet another moment when divorce REALLY SUCKS. Steve did this really awkward thing where he told us to go into his computer room and started showing us pictures of his dead wife. He told  us he knows we are hurting, but he wanted us to know that his kids lost a parent too and he wanted us to know who she was. TALK ABOUT AWKWARD! That was just one of the moments when we really regretted staying with them and it made us miss Art even more. Janis and Steve are great, but Art was a bigger person. He knew better than to pull that crap when someone is grieving. At Evelyne's baby blessing Art got up and bore his testimony to us all. I am so grateful I got to hear that before he died! He told us that he knows he has been the "bad apple" over the years but he has tried so hard to atone for his sins. He told Janis and Steve that he was grateful for them and he hoped they would someday be able to forgive him. Steve might be a two time Stake President, but Art was pure class. 

Pushing sis around Grandma's house in the shopping cart hahaha!

Uh Oh.... flat tire....

The day of the funeral was hard, but we were almost happy to have it over with. All the planning was emotionally exhausting. We had a viewing the night before which was very different than any of us expected. We couldn't believe how many people showed up! There were 69 years of acquaintances there and all of them said the same thing, "We loved your Dad. We are going to miss him so much. There will never be another one like him." We learned more about Art in that two hours than we ever knew about him and it was actually a really pleasant, happy experience! All except the part where Josh's ex-wife's family showed up and I had to force a fake smile and hug them..... 

Anyway, the mortician told us it would be best if we had a closed casket because of all the damage and he also suggested that the boys not be there to dress him. Just knowing that it was that bad made us all sick. We didn't want to imagine the pain that must have come from a death like that and hoped so badly that he had died before impact. 

I guess I should mention just how he died. He was out on a Sunday motorcycle ride with his friend Justin, like he always did. They went up Heber Canyon to see all the leaves changing and to get a hamburger somewhere. Justin said Art was in the greatest mood the whole day. He said he was laughing and joking and full of life. There was an especially beautiful area where Art pulled over and told Justin to take a picture. He said just as the picture was being taken, "Isn't it beautiful? This is what life is all about." Then they got on their bikes, heading down Provo Canyon. 5 minutes later he died. Justin was in front so he didn't see it happen, but there was a car that witnessed everything. The driver said it was so strange because it was just a gentle curve and Art wasn't going very fast, maybe 40mph? And it was like he didn't even try to turn! He just drive right into the median! There was no loose gravel scattered and no sign of braking. He just didn't turn! His body was ejected from the bike and landed on top of the median. Justin saw an ambulance flying past him and decided to turn around and find out what was going on. He was mortified when he realized what had happened. The police said he died on impact, but we all think he must have had a stroke and blacked out before the crash even happened. It just doesn't make sense! How could a seasoned rider who had ridden motorcycles his entire life just suddenly forget to turn? The week before when we were visiting, he mentioned to us that he was having black out spells and there was one night when he was crawling on the floor, trying to find help. He somehow drove himself to the hospital but they checked him out and said everything was normal. But Justin said he has been doing strange things for a while. Like parking his car in the middle of the street instead of the parking lot and walking into work like nothing was wrong..... stuff like that. A medical issue like that is the only explanation for how this could have happened and it actually gave us peace of mind to know that he might not have felt a thing when he crashed. It was also comforting to know that his last day on Earth was exactly how he would have wanted it. He was out doing his favorite thing in the world with his best friend! Art always told us that he never wanted to get old. He tried so hard to get me to promise to kill him with an overdose of Potassium if he was ever placed in a nursing home. I have access to pure potassium at work and just happened to mention to him once that it would be the perfect way to die because it instantly stops your heart... no pain. Of course I would always laugh at him and tell him he wasn't worth going to jail for. So then he said he would just take matters into his own hands and drive his motorcycle off a cliff then. It sounds morbid but that's just how Art was. We would joke about stuff like that. And somehow, he died exactly how he always wanted to! It's almost scary how perfect it was and makes you wonder if he did it on purpose? I'm sure he didn't, but it is just so crazy!

This is the picture I mentioned. The last photo of Art taken minutes before his death.

The funeral was perfect. Janis and Steve wanted to go and that worked perfectly because it allowed us to go early for the viewing and they could bring the kids later to the actual funeral. Once my Mom and Grandma Wiegel showed up, they took over kid duty which gave Janis and Steve a break so they could continue their weird marital feud that ended with them driving to Logan and us getting locked out of their house.... I won't go into detail but it was yet another example of us feeling SUPER awkward! Anyways, back to the funeral. The church was packed! Art might have done some shady stuff in his past, but I know he has a sure ticket to heaven because even his mailman showed up to the funeral with his family! He told us he was so sad because every day when he came to drop off the mail, Art would be waiting with a cold Coke in his hands for him! That was exactly the kind of person Art was. Always looking out for people...... always looking for ways to care for those the rest of us tend to overlook. 

Josh and his brothers all spoke at the service and all of us wives were in charge of the prayers. I bawled through my entire opening prayer. I couldn't help it.... I missed him so much and it killed me that he was inside that casket and not sitting in the pew, happily wrestling with Austin. Art and Austin had such a special relationship. Grandpa thought every crazy thing Austin did was hilarious and adorable. He was famous for looking down at Austin with pure love in his eyes and saying, "He's such a cute little shit" hahahaha! I will miss that. I will miss how with Art you could always be yourself. He didn't judge if I needed a cup of coffee in the morning. He didn't make Josh feel like crap for not being able to keep a stable job over the past couple years. He was the type you could just joke about it with and move on with a smile on your face. He was our support system in so many ways. When we moved to North Carolina, he was the only person who came to visit. In fact, he was there almost every week! I think he could sense how homesick we were and I think he missed us just as much. When we bought our first house, he was our real estate agent and gave us his full commission to help with the closing costs. Then, when he realized we didn't have any furniture to furnish our new house, he basically gave us all of his! He called it "giving us our inheritance early" and drove down with a truck and everything piled inside! When Evelyne was born, he was the only person who happily stepped up to the plate to help watch Austin while we were in the hospital without throwing a bunch of conditions at us and making the whole situation even more stressful than it already was. Whenever he came to visit, which was monthly if not bi-weekly, he would always let me have a day to go off to pamper myself without the kids and he would also make sure we got a date in as well! The only condition for that though was that we all go to the Fiesta Casino for their buffet. We all loved that place and have so many happy memories there with him! Neither of us feel like we could go back there now...... 

Sadie showed up to the funeral with my Dad. I went up to my Dad and cried like I've never cried before. I wanted to tell him how Art was more of a father to me than he ever was and now that Art is gone I need him to actually BE THERE for me! I wanted to tell him how badly he hurt me when he didn't show up to my wedding, but how it all worked out because Art put his arms around me and told me it didn't matter if my Dad didn't want to be there for me because HE was my Dad now. And oh how he meant it! I was actually overwhelmed constantly by his love and worry for me! I was always annoyed that he called too much, or that he wanted to visit too much, or that I couldn't travel anywhere without him wanting me to call him before I left, as I got to my first stop, and as soon as I got there! I had a couple blow ups on him here and there because I have never had anyone smother me with love like he did and it was almost more than I could take. He would laugh it off and make a joke about how he would back off and we would move on. Now I look back on that fondly and realize that there will never be a person out there who will worry about me as much as he did. I regret not thanking him for that. 

Back to the funeral. The boys all wore one of Art's Hawaiian ties because that was his thing. On Eve's blessing day he wore a tie with a half naked dancing Hula girl! That's just who he was. Art loved Hawaii. We were all supposed to go there together someday. Art kept telling us we needed to go but we always had a legitimate excuse, like we had new babies, or we didn't have the money. We were supposed to travel to Alaska and go salmon fishing with him too. It always seemed like we would have time some other day to do that stuff. Now that time is gone. Luckily Josh got to do all of that stuff with his Dad when he was younger so he has the memories. Sadly our kids aren't that lucky. Josh's cousin who is married to a Hawaiian brought special Leis and Hawaiian beads to the funeral for Josh and his brothers. She told them to wear the leis and beads at the funeral and then before the casket is laid into the ground, you put the leis on top of the casket and you keep the beads to always remember him by. It was really special and a great way to honor Art and his love for stuff like that! 

Eve fell asleep during the service.

Austin, as always, wasn't tired.

Josh got caught up in talking to all of his old friends after the funeral so we were late to the graveside service. It was kinda cool though because we got there right as the trumpet was playing that song they play for all the veterans who have fought for our country and died with honor. We walked down the steep grassy hill as it played with a gentle breeze blowing by us. After a whole week of rain, the sun had finally come out, and it was at this moment that I felt Art leaving us. It felt like he was finally going home and it was over. The sadness, the worry, the stress.... it was all over. The interesting part was Austin. We didn't know how to explain to him that Grandpa was in the casket and was never coming back so we kept telling him Grandpa was in heaven with Jesus. Well, at the cemetary, I was holding Austin and while facing the casket I told him to say Goodbye to Grandpa. He pointed to a spot a little further down the hill, started waving, and said, "Bye Gampa!" I knew at that moment that Art was standing there and Austin could see him. It was just one of those moments when the spirit is so strong and you just know. Austin had done something similar earlier at the funeral as well! We never told him Grandpa was in the casket, but as soon as he got inside the church he went running into the room where the casket was kept and he yelled, "Gampa, come back!" We looked at each other stunned, wondering if Art's spirit was there in the room with the casket and if Austin could see him?! Then, during the funeral, while my Mom was out in the hallway chasing Austin around, she said he picked up the church phone and started talking to Grandpa on the phone, once again saying, "Come back Gampa! Come back!" Talk about breaking my heart into a million pieces! That boy loved his Grandpa and I can't believe his two short years with him is all he is going to get! It's not fair! Everyone Art worked with kept coming up to us and telling us that whenever Art was having a bad day at work or had lost tons of money on a commission that fell apart, he would happily tell everyone that it didn't matter because he was going to Vegas to visit his kids and play with his crazy grandson! Then he would come back Monday morning and tell everyone all about our adventures. He would also repeat all the funny stories we would share with him about Austin's latest escapades to everyone he knew because it didn't matter what Austin did, Grandpa thought it was hilarious! That's why I knew he must have been getting a good laugh when at the first viewing Austin went right over to the casket and started trying to climb on it, pulling down the American flag and almost tipping the casket over! Or when at the graveside service Austin grabbed the microphone and started karaoke'ing  it up! Basically anything Josh and I were mortified about, Grandpa thought was great! ;)

Grandpa's casket.

The three boys and their leis.

After the service, we went back to the church for the luncheon. I wanted Josh to have time socializing with his friends and family who had traveled great distances to be there so I sat at the little kid table with all the little ones and took care of the kids. Austin thought he was so big getting to sit with his older cousins and tried so hard to eat without my help. It was adorable :).

After the funeral we went back to Janis and Steve's house and later that night Tony and his kids came over. It was Jaxson's birthday so we had cake and sang happy birthday and let the kids play! It was a lot of fun and Austin loved it! he has so much fun with his cousins and they LOVE him! He thinks he's so big when he's around them and they dote on him like he is a little king :).

All the crazy fun with the cousins!

They were having so much fun throwing that silly blanket on each other :).

Singing Happy Birthday to cousin Jaxson!

Hanging out with Uncle Tony

Eating some cake! Mmmmm...

Helping cousin Jacky open his presents.

 

Cool! Socks! lol

The next day was our last day in Utah. Austin and I went for a very long walk around the neighborhood. It was so sweet! We held hands and chatted about flowers, sticks, and bees. I think the lack of sleep was impeding his ability to walk because he kept stubbing his toe and every time he did he would say, "Oops! I sowwy Mommy!" all worried like I was going to get upset at him. I kept laughing and telling him it was okay but he continued saying it. By our fourth lap around the block his toe was bleeding and I ended up carrying him the whole rest of the way home so we could ask Grandma for a band-aid. He was being too adorable to be annoyed at and honestly, nothing could ruin that sweet Mommy moment. Once we found Grandma and got the toe issue under control, Josh and I went on a little lunch date with Josh's best friend Travis who had flown in for the funeral. Josh hardly ever gets to see his friend anymore so this was a fun treat. We met up in Bountiful at Texas Roadhouse which is our favorite! It was fun getting to catch up with Travis and meet his new girlfriend. After that we went to the cemetery and said our official goodbyes to Art alone. It was too hard to say goodbye at the funeral because we had the kids and there were so many people around! So it was nice getting some time alone at the graveside to take turns saying goodbye out loud. We couldn't stop laughing because the flowers had all been ransacked by deer and there were remnants of roses everywhere. It's funny because Art was always complaining about "those damn deer!" who were always eating his flowers! It was just so fitting that they would follow him to the cemetery and torment him even in death. We all knew that he secretly loved those deer though. The deer and the hummingbirds that he would make a special homemade treat he called "hummingbird crack" for and leave it in feeders all around his garden. He always had an amazing garden. The entire neighborhood would stop by to ask for flower advice and he was always over at someones house helping them plant or weed their gardens.

The graveside at the cemetary.

We met up with Nick and Tony and their families at a park near Nick's house for our last evening together. The men and older kids played football while the little kids played at the playground and us Moms sat on the swings and talked about everything that had happened over the past few days. Sadie came over too and played football with the boys. We went to Nick's house for dinner and ate the food that people from the church had brought by for us. Then the boys got out the box of autographed baseball/football/basketball cards they had found in Art's closet and did a fun draft with the kids who could keep them and continue the love of sports with their special cards from Grandpa. We talked and enjoyed each other's company til late at night and then headed back to Layton to sleep and get packed up for the long drive home the next day.

The big game!

The little ones playing on the playground!

Stealing the goal markers to make hats hahaha.

These girls love Austin soooooo much!

Eve had fun hanging out and watching everyone until she fell asleep in my arms in the swing :).

I wasn't even worried about Austin falling or getting hurt because Ryland and Lexi were seriously the greatest babysitters!

About to go down the BIG slide!

It hasn't gotten easier since the funeral, and it just hits you at random moments when you aren't expecting it. I find myself thinking about Art all throughout the day and remembering all of our wonderful memories with him. Josh told me he does the same thing. We love you Papa Art. Our lives will never be the same without you.      

Eve's blessing day.

The day Art got his life in order and went back to the temple!