Now I feel so exhausted by 7:30pm that even the thought of getting in the shower each night sounds like an insurmountable task. Maybe I'm anemic? Maybe I'm not sleeping as well as I think I am? Maybe it's the pregnancy? Or maybe it's just the normal feeling every Mother feels? Whatever it is, I am lucky if I shave my legs once every two weeks (shhh!) let alone write in my journal.
However, there are so many things going on in my life that I just don't want to forget! So many thoughts. So many feelings!! So I have decided to try and write in the blog once a week, documenting ten things that I experienced, thought, or just want to remember down the road when I am old and senile (which feels like right now!). Let's see if I can actually keep up with it. Or better yet, let's see if I can even remember what happened two or three days ago......
1)
I suddenly have a constant hankering for fresh fruit, and cucumbers with salt and ranch! I made all sorts of treats for Superbowl Sunday and ended up eating two whole cucumbers instead while Josh and Austin dived into the treats! Yogurt always sounds good too.... I eat at least two Yoplait yogurt cups a day.
2)
We needed to make a trip to Costco today but Austin wouldn't leave the house without his dog! Seriously, he threw a fit until I told him the dog could come. He actually did a great job and allowed me to think straight while I was trying to remember everything we needed so maybe I should let the dog come more often? Later in the parking lot, when I lifted him out of the cart to put him in the car, he wrapped his little arms around my neck, buried his face in my hair, and gave me the biggest hug! It felt like he was thanking me for the fun trip with his companion. His hugs are usually brief, but not this time. I stood there in the middle of the parking lot for a good long time with my baby boy hugging the life out of me until he felt like he was done expressing his love :). I wish I could bottle up that moment and how it felt to be so loved. Then I could always remember that feeling whenever I am stressed, sad, or in the mood to jump off a cliff!
3) I experienced the deep sadness of knowing our baby was supposed to be born this week. I tried burying the thought deep down in the recesses of my mind, and concentrated on working. But eventually I had to drive home which would give me ample time to think, so I remedied that with singing to the radio and making some phone calls. Then, I came home to my beautiful family and started busying myself with making dinner..... and that's when I broke down. I was in the kitchen chopping something and Josh came up behind me and hugged me. "He doesn't even remember.... and if he did remember, would he even care?" These were a few of the thoughts going through my mind as the tears started falling. "Our baby would have been born today," I told him. I could tell I was correct and this thought hadn't occurred to him. "I'm sorry baby, I know it's sad..... but she is coming back to us, even if she is a little late" he said. That is so Josh. That is why I need him in my life. I have the tendency to over think events and over feel emotions. Josh keeps my sensitive mind/heart in reality with happy thoughts and positive, rational thinking. The rest of the night was spent happily remembering that my baby is still coming to me, she's just a little late :).
4) The weather has been in the 70's this week! It doesn't feel like the first week of February AT ALL! We have been going for walks daily, and going to the park sometimes twice a day! Austin LOVES being outdoors and he he loves pulling his wagon and collecting rocks as we go :).
5) This pregnancy has been a rather painful one. I have constant pressure and pain in my pelvic region that gets worse as the day progresses. At night I have to lay on a hot pack and slowly roll my hips around, trying to loosen the tightened muscles. It's a very painful process at first but over time the heat relaxes everything and I am able to drift off to sleep.
6) We finally got Austin's hospital bill from October when he went to the ER with Croup..... ugh, sooooooo depressing! $3,500!!! Yep! You heard it right! $3,500!!! So much for trying to save up for the next kid. We can't even afford the one we have!
7) I have hired a maid to come clean my house once a month. I always keep the house clean and straightened up but I need help with the deep cleaning part, especially now that it hurts to move! The hard part has been finding a maid who understands my standard of cleanliness. Yes, when it comes to cleaning, I can get crazy! I zone in on every detail, and don't stop until the job is nothing short of perfect. I understand it is impossible to find another human being who is that anal, but it has been a struggle. After the maid left on Tuesday, I went through every room and re-did all the jobs she missed, or didn't meet my standards. I know this makes me sound insane but I can't stop it!
8) Austin had a sleep over at my parent's house on Monday night because my Mom needed to be back home for my sister's game before we were able to get off work. That gave us a free night to go out to dinner! We went to Nacho Daddy's, a mexican joint down the street we have been wanting to try out, but haven't had the energy to go with Austin. It was so nice to eat, talk, and just relax together! We missed Austin but we have also missed alone time with each other. We could actually communicate without constant interruptions, tasks, and the crazy job of keeping an 18 month old alive!
Meanwhile, Austin was at Grandma's house doing:
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| Sleeping in Grandma's bed with Auntie Bri and attempting to ignore all her kisses ;). |
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| Climbing trees! |
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| Eating dinner while watching movies and trying to share his bottle with Grandpa. |
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| Watching Auntie Bri play powder puff football! |
9) Josh's Dad came to visit over Superbowl weekend and although it stressed me out thinking about having yet another visitor to entertain when I feel so exhausted all the time, it was a lot of fun. Thanks to Grandpa's willingness to babysit, I was able to go out to lunch with my sister, get a massage, go on a date with Josh, hit up the farmer's market, and go out to breakfast twice! Austin and I also went to our cousin Kaden's 11th birthday party at a laser tag center while Josh and his Dad went to a movie and the Harley Davidson Store on the strip.
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| Prepping for our Superbowl party! |
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| Breakfast at Einstein Bagels. Austin loved picking out the bagels :). |
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| Lunch date at the Cheesecake Factory! |
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| driving the race car at the arcade. |
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| Wandering around the Farmer's Market. |
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| Austin loved the strawberries. |
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