You know that feeling when life just seems to be too good? That irking thought in the back of your mind that something bad must be looming around the corner because the perfect life just isn't what you're used to? Well, we were both feeling it. Josh felt like someone must be about to die or he must be about to lose his job. My thoughts weren't quite as dramatic, but I was still feeling pretty uneasy nonetheless.
One morning I got a phone call. It was a Fresenius Clinic Manager (the company I previously worked for) who I was pretty good friends with and she wanted to offer me a job. I was shocked because I wasn't really wanting a job, but I was willing to listen to her offer. She literally went on for a good hour about what an amazing nurse I am and how she has been a nurse for over 20 years and has never seen anyone with the skills and insight that I have. Yes, I'll admit it, my peacock feathers were all puffed up at that point and I was even more willing to listen to her proposal. She wanted me to come back to work for Fresenius and help run one of their clinics. I told her I was flattered, but I would only go back to work if it was part time and had a set schedule so I could plan out babysitting. I explained to her the reasons why I had quit working and told her I didn't want to find myself in that situation ever again..... so she upped her offer. She told me she couldn't do part time, but she COULD give me 30 hours which could be split into two 16 hour shifts (they subtract an hour/day for breaks). She also said she could give me the set schedule I wanted which included a Saturday so I would only have to find babysitting ONE DAY A WEEK! I told her she had me at thirty hours and I would get back to her as soon as I worked it out with my husband.
Josh thought it was a great idea! He figured it would help ease the financial load since we have another baby on the way and he reminded me of how restless I've been getting being at home 24/7. I had to admit it, this staying at home all the time with no money to do anything fun or interesting is hard!! I would love to be crafty but have you checked the price tags at Michael's lately? I would also love to go to the gym every day but my son and growing baby are not so inclined.... so I have been struggling with finding happiness in the simple life. I love every minute of being at home with my son and seeing his beautiful face every day. Yet, at the same time, I don't feel like I have much of a personal identity and nothing to help me grow socially and intellectually. Does that make sense? So we decided to take a few weeks and think about it. You don't just make these kinds of decisions lightly!
That's when all the fears and panic set in. I was a complete stress case that entire time! I couldn't think about anything else! I couldn't talk about anything else! This major decision was the only thing occupying my brain at all times! I would wake up at 3am every morning in a complete panic! Where was all this coming from, you ask? Well, basically it was my emotional self who thought it wasn't right, fighting with my logical self, who thought it was the perfect opportunity! It didn't matter how hard I prayed, how long I pondered, how many scriptures I read, or what I felt in the temple.... I was one confused lady!
Then, Josh lost his job. His company was doing budget cuts and he was one of the lucky ones to be chosen for lay offs. As I sat on the phone, listening to him tell me that he was on his way home at 7:30am, I suddenly felt grateful for the job offer I had been given! Maybe this was a gift from God because he knew what was coming? For a brief minute it all seemed to make sense. Once Josh got home, we had a good two hours of depressed sitting, talking, and feeling like this can't possibly be happening to us again! I couldn't help but blame this on the pregnancy. After all, the last time I was twelve weeks pregnant, Josh lost his job too! Apparently there's something about the number twelve that is very bad luck for us. Then, Josh got a phone call! It was a company who has been trying to get Josh to work for them for months now but he just couldn't see taking a job that made less money than his current job. They were calling to see if by some chance he had changed his mind! He informed them that he was now unemployed and would love to hear what they had to offer, so they took him out for lunch and basically gave him a job! He still had to go in for an official interview and they wanted him to job shadow for a day, just to make sure it was something he would be truly interested in. So basically Josh had a 2.5 week vacation! The job sounded perfect for him, but like I previously mentioned, the pay wasn't as good. They increased their offer by $3,000 which was very generous but still didn't get me out of the need for a job.
It took me over a week before I could finally get a hold of the nurse manager who had offered me a position and sadly, once I talked to her, she had gone back on everything she had previously offered. It was like she was a totally different person! She told me she would no longer give me 30 hours and that 40+ was the best she could do. She also said she wouldn't give me a set schedule and I would have to take turns working Saturdays with the other nurses. I was so mad but I couldn't show it because there was a good possibility that I would be desperately needing this job! So I politely reminded her that she was going back on everything she had promised me and I told her I was going to talk to another dialysis company and see if they could give me a better offer. Suddenly her tune changed and she begged me not to transfer to a different company! She told me to give her a few days and she would talk to her superiors and then get back to me. I waited, but I applied for those other jobs anyway! I wasn't about to just sit around and wait for her to decide my fate for me. Literally, the next day I got a call from DaVita which is the arch enemy of Fresenius. They told me they would be willing to hire me part time AND would give me the schedule I needed!!! Was I hearing this right? Could it be possible that I might actually get a shot at having the perfect job rather than taking the job that obviously wasn't going to make me happy?! I told DaVita that I had another job offer on the table and I needed them to move fast if they wanted to have me. They took me seriously and scheduled the interview for the next day! I forgot I had an OB appointment that day so I had to reschedule it for the day after that, which is today.
I went in today for my interview and it went really well, despite the fact that I am super sick and have laryngitis so I could barely talk and they could barely understand a word I was saying. I must have said something right though because they literally called me three hours later and hired me! So I now work part time as a dialysis nurse for DaVita in their float pool! I will do two twelve hour shifts a week and basically I get to choose whatever days I want those to be! To top it all off, because it's the float pool and there will be travel involved, they are going to pay me $6 more an hour than my previous job plus mileage reimbursement! Do you see how insane this is?! I just hope it's not too good to be true.... Oh and Fresenius called back and they are not willing to give into any of my needs so I basically thanked her for making this decision easy for me!
So now we both have jobs and they are actually turning out to be pretty awesome jobs! Not just jobs that we have to take because we are desperate. Oh and here's the really great part! My Mom put in her two weeks notice at the preschool she works at and is going to come back to babysitting for us! This makes me feel so much better about things because I hated the thought of having to send Austin off to someone else's house while his mother abandons him for work. I know that's probably not exactly how he would see it but that's how I felt whenever I thought about it! Hence the panic attacks that have been happening all month! Plus there's the fact that we will have a new baby joining us in April and I hated the thought of having to send my brand new baby to someone else's house, hoping they would give him/her the proper care a newborn needs. Thanks Mom! You're a life saver!!
I would love to say that this was the only craziness going on during the month, but sadly that just wouldn't be true.... It was like every time I answered the door, or picked up the phone I was getting some horrible news or something horrible was happening to my family! To spare the pages of writing it would take to give details, I'll make a list:
1) My Mother in law found out she might have breast cancer.... We are praying it's not true and are trying to stay optimistic until she finds out for sure.
2) My sister's boyfriend also found out he might have breast cancer and had a large lump surgically removed. I actually kinda hate him though so I wasn't really as devastated as I acted when she told me.
3) My step-brother and his wife lost their baby. This one hit too close to home and actually made me more depressed than it should have. I still feel the pain of losing my baby in July and it kills me that they have to experience that kind of sadness. They have struggled to have a child for years and thought that through IVF their dreams might have actually come true! To quote my step-dad, "Life is a bitch."
4) Josh's friend from high school committed suicide
5) My mom and I got into a major fight and I dis-invited her to Halloween. We made up later and now I look back on it and see the stupidity in the situation, but for the week it lasted, it was dramatic!
6) Our next door neighbors have been INSANE! We have had to call the cops on them almost every single night and I finally called Child Protective Services as well! It didn't help either of our anxieties and made my 3am panic attacks a million times worse!
7) There have also been multiple phone calls from friends telling me they found out their spouse has been cheating on them and one of them (actually my sister's friend) is getting divorced! Talk about anxiety causer! I am the type of person who takes on people's feelings and personal struggles as if they were my own, so hearing all of these crazy stories literally made my heart drop and I couldn't think about anything else for days!
So, imagine all of that rolled up into one, long, horrendous month. Then, just when it felt like things couldn't get any worse, our baby caught a severe case of Croup and ended up in the hospital on Halloween day! We had an entire week of no sleep, complete fear that he was going to stop breathing any second, and LOTS of steroids. Then, because I am pregnant and my stress level was on overdrive, PLUS I didn't sleep for days, I caught the adult version of Croup. The ER doctor warned us that it is extremely contagious and even adults can catch it. I wasn't about to quarantine my 15month old though because of a few germs. So Austin and I have BOTH been sick and it has been awful. There's the fever, aching body, chills, extreme lethargy, horrible cough, even worse sore throat, constant mucous flow, and of course the wonderful loss of voice. Hence why I struggled during my job interview....
Oh, and then I got a flat tire.....
It was at that point when I watched all the air quickly hissing out of my tire that I felt like I had lost it. I was finally to the point of saying, "Why God, have you forsaken me?" It seemed like the bad karma was steaming off of us and I literally started warning people to not come near our house or they would catch the curse too! My best friend didn't listen, bless her heart, and she learned the hard way. She came over to drop off soup and essential oils for our illness and the poor thing suffered through a flat tire of her own, along with somehow breaking her front door, and a lovely visit from Aunt Flow gone horribly wrong. Yes, that was all in one night as she was trying to come to my aid. She couldn't believe that I might be right about the bad karma, but after that night, she became a believer!
Now then. Here we are, hopefully on the brink of a fresh start. I would like to think that the no good, very bad month has come to an end and we can now move on with our new lives and our new jobs and hope for the best! Fingers crossed....
I also have to put in a positive plug for the women in our ward. They have been so good to us during this extremely hard month with thoughtful texts, dinners, and the positive affirmation that this too shall pass! We have felt like the ward charity case lately because of how much attention we have been getting, but it has made life so much easier to deal with so I guess I am okay with that ;).
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