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| I actually took two more of these tests because I was so incredulous that it was true, but I decided there was no point in taking pictures of all of them ;). |
Wow... where to begin?
It all started on Labor Day, Monday (September 1st). We had friends over for a BBQ and as I was in the bathroom changing out of my swimsuit, I realized I had started my period! I had never been so happy to start my period in my life! This meant that my body was finally normalizing after the miscarriage and that my hormones were hopefully on their way back to being stable.
Then, the next day (Tuesday September 2nd) I realized the bleeding had turned into spotting! I was really confused by this and even more confused by the nausea I was experiencing. I had been experiencing some slight morning nausea for about two weeks now but it always went away once I ate breakfast and really wasn't anything worth mentioning. But this time, I was definitely sick. I put two and two together and decided to take a pregnancy test. To my astonishment, it was positive! I immediately headed to the store to buy more tests just to clarify what it was that I was seeing.
How did this happen? When did this happen? I was so confused! The other tests showed positive, just like the first. I knew there was no way I could possibly be pregnant because I had just had a miscarriage, still hadn't started my cycle yet, and I couldn't even remember the last time we'd had sex (let alone unprotected sex) because of all the bleeding and hormones going on! My mind instantly jumped to this must be a false positive from a cyst, tumor, or even worse, an ectopic pregnancy.... My mind was racing with visions of expensive surgeries, pain, bleeding, and lots of tears. I was in a complete panic! What made the idea of a false positive even more confusing was the fact that my blood HCG levels were at ZERO on July 30th and two weeks later I took a pregnancy test (just to make sure) and it also showed NOT PREGNANT. I called every knowledgeable person I could think of and they all concurred that I needed to be seen by a doctor soon. However, I was very busy that day and wasn't sure if I wanted to call the doctor or wait for a while and see if my period would return and all of this confusion would go away on its own. After all, I was still spotting! I met up with my friend Jura at Tropical Smoothie Cafe for lunch and told her everything. She was just as astonished as I was! Then I brought Juliette and Austin home with me while Jura went out for a spa day. My mind was racing the entire time. "Is this what it would be like having two babies?" "Stop it Ashly, you don't even know if you are actually pregnant!" The voices in my head were fighting continuously and I couldn't stop them. I was a wreck.
The next day (Wednesday September 3rd) I called the doctor's office and told them everything. The doctor told me to come in and get labs done and then we will schedule an ultrasound. It sounded easy but they were ridiculously unprepared for me and I found myself explaining the situation to at least four people before I was able to get my blood drawn, and even then, they ordered the wrong labs! I was ready to cry and I think the phlebotomist noticed because she stepped in and helped the nurses/MA's get their shi* together. Then they sent me home and said they'd call later with the ultrasound appointment. Well, I waited and waited and they didn't call. I'm pretty sure I cried that entire day. Finally, at 8:00pm the nurse finally called and said I was scheduled for Tuesday. It was a long way off but it was the soonest they could do. I was just happy she hadn't forgotten about me. I was already not feeling on the top of their priority list.... She also assured me they would call the next day with the lab results.
That following day (Thursday September 4th) I waited nervously by the phone ALL DAY LONG. I kept checking it over and over thinking I might have missed the call. I even called at 10:30am and left a message, just in case they had forgotten about me. I knew they closed their office at 4pm and weren't open on Fridays so by 2pm I started panicking. What if they didn't call! There's no way I could wait for three days for these lab results!!! I decided to take matters into my own hands, called the office, demanded to talk to a nurse, and got the labs. And the results were: HCG- 21,974 and Progesterone- 15.5. This meant that I was definitely pregnant, and judging by the labs, I was probably 4-5 weeks along! The progesterone level was normal (16 would have been ideal) so I didn't need to take progesterone pills/injections and the chances of a miscarriage were slim. My mind was reeling. I kept saying, "how did this happen? how did this happen?" over and over on the phone. The nurse kept trying to calm me down and gave me strict instructions until I could be seen for the ultrasound. I was put on bed rest which meant no activities, no lifting Austin, and no "relations" with my husband. This was all fine and dandy over the weekend while Josh was home but how was I going to not lift Austin while Josh was working? We called my Mother in Law and she flew in Monday morning to help me out and left on Friday. I was so grateful for her help! She took care of Austin while I basically laid on the couch all day and miraculously the spotting stopped!
Tuesday (September 9th) came and it had been two days since the spotting had stopped. I was nervous all morning and prayed the entire car ride to the doctor's office. Janis stayed with Austin at home so I could be focused and deal with whatever was about to come. I was shaking as they called me into the ultrasound room and I explained things to the Ultrasound Technician. "Well, let's take a look and see what's going on!" was her response. I slowly laid on the table, afraid to breathe because I knew it would be followed by tears. I couldn't even look at the monitor because I was scared of what I would see! "I can't handle another miscarriage! I can't go through that again!" I kept telling myself in my head. Then I heard her say, "You are definitely pregnant! And the baby is not ectopic... look it's right there in the uterus!" I opened my eyes and there it was! My baby! It looked more like a little bean in a sack but I could just barely make out its head and legs. Then I heard the heartbeat...... The tears began flowing down my face and there was no stopping it. She handed me a box of tissues and I used the entire box in the brief time I was in that room. "I'm Pregnant! How could this be possible? Shut up Ashly, you're pregnant! Enjoy this moment!" Those were just a few thoughts going through my mind at that moment ;). Then the tech told me I was 6 weeks and 6 days along! "Wait, that's not possible because I miscarried the entire month of July and those calculations mean that I was somehow pregnant AND miscarrying at the exact same time!" I informed her. She told me my due date is April 28th and that means I got pregnant July 21st. When I asked if it is even possible to be simultaneously pregnant and miscarrying, she said, "Well, I've never seen it before but you are proof that it is possible!"
So that was it. I am pregnant with a miracle. I don't want to be blasphemous and compare myself to Mary, the mother of God, but that is seriously how I feel! Somehow, while miscarrying my last baby, I got pregnant with very little (if any) sex which involved birth control. Seriously, a miracle!!
I went home with a smile on my face and a prayer of gratitude in my heart. I had been taken off of bed rest unless the bleeding comes back, and was put on pelvic rest for the next few weeks. I'm sure you can deduct what that means. I told Janis the good news and we went out for a celebration lunch at Red Robin! The rest of the afternoon was spent calling everyone who knew about the situation and telling them the good news! It was a wonderful day!
Although I wasn't on bed rest anymore, it was really nice to have Janis here so I could rest while dealing with the fatigue and nausea. I was actually scared to have her leave, so my Mom came to visit the day after she left. My Mom was sad to not have been the one to help me out all week but she is working in St. George now as a Montessori preschool teacher and couldn't get the time off.
After all that drama, we waited in anticipation for the first trimester to end, hoping the baby would remain healthy and strong throughout that time. We prayed day and night for this child and expressed our gratitude to God for this precious miracle. When Josh gave me a priesthood blessing with the last child I miscarried, he told me that everything would be alright and the baby would live. I was so angry at him later for giving me false hope. When I obviously was losing the baby, he told me it would live! I was also angry at God for giving Josh this revelation when it was obviously wrong and cruel! Then, recently, I received the inspiration that the blessing wasn't wrong after all! Everything would be alright and the baby would survive, because little did I know, during that miscarriage I would simultaneously become pregnant and that baby would get a second chance at life! I felt so grateful for that revelation because it restored my faith in priesthood blessings again, as well as my faith in Josh's ability to give them. We knew the last baby was supposed to come to us. We felt its spirit before we even knew we were pregnant! So now, looking back on all the confusion and pain, we better see the plan and the big picture. All we can deduct is there must have been something wrong with the last baby's body, so God allowed me to miscarry it so this little spirit could have the right body for its specific needs.
I have always believed in miracles, and have seen tiny miracles all throughout my life. But none of those compare to this one! I still live each day in fear that God might take this child away from us, as he did the other. But there is also that little voice in the back of my mind telling me that everything will be okay and the baby will live.
I'm now at the twelve week mark!!!
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| 12 Week photo! I'm showing much sooner than I did with Austin, but I hear that's common with your second child. |
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| I am sooooo happy and relieved to have the first trimester over with! |
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| Our baby's picture at 11 weeks! |
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| Waving hello! |
Today I am 12 weeks along which means I can sigh a breath of relief and thank God that I got through the scary part! I know there are still possibilities of losing the baby later into the pregnancy but those odds are much lower now. Because of the early bleeding and some random spotting every now and then, I had an ultrasound at my 11 week appointment just to check on the baby and make sure things look okay. The heartbeat was 156 and perfect! The placenta is low, but not low enough to be considered a placenta previa. The baby looks perfectly healthy and happy to be alive! As I stared at the ultrasound screen, in total awe of the tiny miracle inside of me, I felt complete peace and happiness. I felt that I no longer need to worry about the horrific possibilities and start being excited about the future! We have 8 ultrasound pictures like the one above hanging on our refrigerator and every time I walk by them I smile. Josh and Austin like to go up to the fridge and say "hi" to the baby. We have no idea how Austin is going to handle being a big brother and he's not old enough for us to explain the situation to him. So saying "hi" to the ultrasound picture is the best we can do.
At 12 weeks I am:
- So tired of feeling sick! I want to have energy again and not cringe at the thought of opening the pantry. For some reason the smell and thought of processed foods like crackers or anything with a shelf life make me vomit. I have only been able to eat fresh, healthy foods. In the beginning I was able to eat eggs but that quickly became a big no-no. I have random veggie cravings like brussel sprouts and raw broccolli dipped in ranch. I eat avocados like they're going out of style and baked potatoes with sour cream and salt have been a big favorite. Sweets are also on the blah-list unless it's strawberries, grapes, or pineapple. Although the nausea has been terrible, I have to be grateful that it is nothing compared to how sick I was with Austin. I was basically bedridden with him. I am thankful it hasn't been quite so bad this time around because I no longer have the option to lay in bed for three months.
- Feeling big already! I had gained some weight from my previous miscarried pregnancy and I didn't have a chance to lose it before I was pregnant again so I feel heavier than I would like. The bloating and tummy troubles also haven't helped the issue any. I hope that goes away soon because it is extremely uncomfortable and makes the nausea even worse than it already is. With Austin I got to deal with severe constipation..... and with this baby it's the severe opposite of that. Not fun I tell you! People look at me and say, "Wow! You already have a baby bump!" I have to fight the urge not to explain to them that the "baby" they think they're seeing is actually mostly intestinal inflammation and gas.....
- Super happy to be pregnant and love making plans for the future! We feel the baby is a girl and although our assumptions won't be 100% until December, we have already been going over girl names and thoughts for her room :).
