Cleansing My World 2

Last week I focused on cleansing my body. It was a good experience and although I don't plan on doing it again anytime soon, I am glad I did it!

This week I have been contemplating what I need to focus on next. It is Thursday so obviously I have been having a hard time pin-pointing what that focus should be.

Why is this so hard? Well, basically it's because I feel guilty admitting the area of my life that needs a little help.

This has been a year of transition. A year of change. A year of "who the heck am I?" And then I have been having these thoughts....thoughts that let's just say my religion wouldn't approve of. Please don't misinterpret me, I am 100% vested in my religion and I am not for one second doubting my faith. But a part of me feels confused and because of that I feel guilty.

I have always had such a confident sense of self. I didn't care if being me wasn't the "cool thing to be," or if it made me come off as self righteous, or made the "unrighteous people" feel uncomfortable. I was extremely judgmental of people who felt like they needed to "find themselves" and I couldn't understand why the scriptures didn't solve all their problems!

Now I find myself in the same boat as those I had previously judged and that is where the guilt comes in. Why aren't the scriptures helping like I had always preached they would?! Perhaps God is giving me these feelings so I will be more understanding towards others.

Anyways, I can't go into detail about my feelings because I know my fellow Mormons and how we try to be so "helpful" when one of us is struggling, but in all actuality, we are just being really annoying. I'm not in the mood for annoying. Now if there was someone who felt safe enough to come out and admit that they also feel confused about things, that I could handle. But I highly doubt it will happen because we are all trying to portray perfection and none of us want to admit that we don't have it together all the time.

 

I am going to call this part of my cleanse: Finding Myself. Yes, it is cliché and I am embarrassed to even write it. But that's basically what it is! What makes me happy? What makes me sad? Why did I react so angrily to something so trivial? What is going on in the dark recesses of my mind to make me feel this lost? What are the things I wish I could do, but never had the guts to try because I was scared of being judged.

I love this quote because it explains how we are all on our own individual path and although others will have their thoughts and opinions as to how we should live, it is not their road to travel.

I am going to be doing a lot of yoga, and self meditation. I am going to start expressing my true mind to those I trust, and hope that they will in turn be understanding. This is going to be a longer journey than a seven day cleanse, but it will also have longer lasting effects, I hope ;).

My favorite yoga DVD! It's specific to pregnancy and post-partum which helps with all the areas that are or were affected by baby.