Humbled and So Grateful

I had a patient the other day who truly made an impact in my life in a way that I will never be able to explain, but I will try.

She was a 21 year old girl who was born with Sickle Cell Anemia and due to a really poor decision on an ER doctors part one night, she is now also in End Stage Renal Failure. I instantly connected with this patient as I was performing her dialysis treatment and we found ourselves talking throughout the entire 4 hours I was there. It started out with small talk and then she asked me something so simple, and yet so humbling to me that I had to literally take a second to stop and think about my answer.

She asked me, "What's it like to be married?" At first I was going to ramble off the usual, "It's great!" and move on. But then I started realizing that this poor girl who has spent her entire life in a hospital bed is asking me sincerely, what is marriage like? I couldn't find the words, and a part of me wanted to cry for her. I wanted to cry because she will probably never get to experience the wonderful blessing of marriage that I have been given. I wanted to cry because she told me earlier that the best moment of her entire life was graduating from high school. I wanted to cry because every day she looks forward to her mom bringing her a hot dog from 7-11 as if it was the greatest moment of her day... and sadly, it probably is. So how do I explain to someone who has never experienced anything but IV's, medications, and the four walls of a hospital room how amazing it is to be bound to the man you love for all eternity and to be carrying his child?

I decided the best thing to do was to be honest. I told her about our marriage from the beginning. I included the ups/the downs and the funny little details in between. She laughed and told me how lucky I am to have such an amazing life and that she herself had never even had a boyfriend.... Ugh, gut wrencher right there.

Then she asked me, "What is it like to be pregnant?" Again, I could feel the tears coming. My first instinct was to laugh it off and tell her she isn't missing much between the morning sickness, acne, and what seems like constant uncomfortableness. But then I thought again about how this girls poor body will never be capable of bearing children, and how her only experience of it would be through what I tell her.  So of course I had to be honest and give a few ugly details, but I also had to somehow put into words how amazing it is to know that God has chosen me to give a body to one of his babies, and has blessed me with the ability to experience the miracle of feeling our little boy's tiny movements, and sweet presence that is constantly with me everywhere I go.

I spent the rest of the night pondering what I had learned from this experience and felt so humbled and disgusted at myself for how easily I become ungrateful for the many blessings that are constantly showered down upon me. Josh and I went on a date to a Mexican restaurant that night after work and I cried while I told him the whole story. I wanted him to somehow know how grateful I am for my life and that he is the main character in it, as well as how grateful I am that he has made me a Mother and has given me the opportunity to experience these sweet, once in a lifetime moments that sadly not everyone can have. I so easily become distracted with the complications and stresses of life, that I forget about what matters and how blessed I am. So, to try and make sure that doesn't happen again, I've made a list of things I have to be grateful to my Father in Heaven for and I plan on looking at it daily to remind myself that no matter how hard life gets, somebody out there always has it worse.

My Gratuity List:

1) I am grateful that I Married Josh. That statement bears a lot of meaning in my head because those who were close to us at the time know that there was a short time during our dating life that we broke up and didn't plan on ever seeing each other again. I look back on that and think, "Oh my gosh, I almost missed out on being married to the most amazing man in the world! WHAT WAS I THINKING??!!" Josh is my world. He is my life and I seriously feel like Romeo and Juliet when I think about anything ever happening to him. I have never known a more selfless man. He allows me to be who I am (the control- freak perfectionist) and very rarely gets mad or annoyed at me. I, however, am not so unconditionally loving sometimes and I feel terrible about it whenever I stop and remember how good he treats me.

2) I am grateful to be pregnant. Yes, I complain A LOT, and for good reason (I feel)! But I need to remember that there are some out there who cannot bear children, and who are constantly struggling with that pain. When I think about it that way, I once again feel terrible about my selfishness and try to refocus myself on how in love I already am with this baby and how excited I am to meet him in a few short months! 

3) I am grateful to have an amazing family (In-laws included!!). They are and have always been my rock. Whenever I was struggling in life, I ran to my Mom. Whenever I couldn't go to my Mom, I ran to my sisters. How lucky am I?! Yes, they drive my crazy about 50% of the time and there are moments when I joke with Josh about checking them all into a nut-house but I love them dearly and can't imagine my life without a single one of them. 

Just take a look at them! How could you not love these people?!

    4) I am grateful for my membership in the LDS church. I proudly tell people I am "a Mormon" when they ask me at work and hope that by my example the negative stigmas that are always given to my fellow church members will be changed. I have never known a more humble, loving, compassionate, service oriented people and I am so grateful to be a part of everything they stand for and believe in. The church has been the backbone in my life, and without it, I know I wouldn't be who I am today. Life is too tough to go through it without God by your side.

5) I am grateful that I chose to be a Nurse. Yes, there are days when I want to shoot myself and I go to sleep hearing the ringing of call lights in my ears and the stress of knowing there are so many people who need my love and compassion but I just can't give it anymore because I literally feel like I have nothing left to give. That sounds terrible, but my fellow nurses out there know what I am talking about! However, my job brings me such joy and happiness knowing that everyday I am serving, saving lives, and hopefully making somebody else's day better. That's the goal anyways.   

I could go on and on with this but I will stop and focus on these 5 for now. I hope that in some way I have made your day a little better and by sharing the story of my patient, have given someone else out there a reason to be grateful for their lives as well.

Baby News - 30 Weeks!

30 Weeks Update

I am now at the 30 weeks marker and I can't believe it! That means about 10 more weeks to go! I have mixed feelings about things because I will be really happy to no longer be pregnant so that I can have my body back to exercise (the way I want to exercise) and to not feel so tired, light headed, and achy all the time. But then again, I also feel like I don't want this baby to ever come out because then I will be faced with the reality that I am now a Mom! It just sounds so unreal to me and I get so scared that I won't be good at it, or a part of me will regret it in some way. I know that sounds terrible, but I'm just being honest here. Plus, there's the whole labor/delivery thing that I've always been terrified of. I get anxiety just thinking about it! Props to you moms out there who have gone natural throughout the whole process, but I am getting me an epidural!

At 30 weeks the baby is about 15.7 inches and about 3 pounds. I am definitely starting to feel that extra weight because I can't sit for longer than an hour without becoming extremely uncomfortable and having back/pelvic pain. He can now hear everything (in an underwater way) and can see!

I no longer have a belly button which tells you how stretched out I have been feeling. I also haven't been sleeping well due to leg cramps, random stress attacks in the middle of the night, and just plain uncomfortableness which  makes it really hard to work 14 hour shifts and stay awake/not make any mistakes. You know you aren't getting enough sleep when you have random bumps and bruises on you from constantly running into walls/garbage cans/and anything else that can't get out of the way fast enough. I have been LOVING how much he moves around and I find myself constantly holding onto my belly just waiting for some more kicking action to occur. I haven't had any extreme cravings, but fresh fruits and vegetables always sound good! We went to a Farmer's Market a couple weeks ago and I was in heaven! Let's just say the strawberries and tomatoes didn't last very long :). 

Next on our list of things to do is to register at a hospital, find a Pediatritian, and sign up for some birthing classes since that moment I've been dreading is just around the corner!  Oh, and start planning my Nevada baby shower! I can't wait! 

**Note: I have been so crazy busy that I didn't mention at 20 weeks we found out we are having a BOY!! That was such a fun moment in our lives, and a sweet memory we will never forget. Josh and I watched patiently as the ultrasound tech tried for over 45 minutes to get our little man to stop moving long enough to see something, and then finally, she gave us the news that I am now the outnumbered one in our little family! We both felt like it was a boy from the beginning and were so excited to find out we were right. I had wanted a girl, but all of that totally disappeared the minute she gave us the news. I went to work on cloud nine after the appointment and Josh went to the store and bought an adorable little baseball outfit to use to break the exciting news to my family!

Spring Has Come and Gone...

I am so behind in my blogging it's not even funny..... So I'm going to do a big recap on everything we've been up to lately because, although this might be boring stuff you've already heard before, we use this blog as a journal of our lives so that we can remember all the fun and not so fun things we've been through together.

Let's start with Baby News: 24 Weeks!

 

 This is at 24 weeks. I have loved the second trimester because I have gotten to experience all of the fun parts of pregnancy (maternity clothes, baby kicks, lots of attention from random strangers) without the vomiting, heart burn, and other non-fun things. Baby kicks more and more every day and at this point, he was about 11 inches long and 1 lb.
  

Baby News: 28 Weeks!

I am 28 weeks along now, and haven't taken another baby bump picture so here's a picture from my baby shower in Utah. I'm in the third trimester and have already started feeling the aches and pains, especially at work. Life would be so great if we didn't have to work, right? Baby is now 14.5 inches and weighs 2.5 pounds. I got to experience the joy of the glucose screening test, yuck! Thankfully everything came out normal so I don't have to redo it. The hard part was fasting for 12 hours before the appointment when you are working a night shift and then having to drink that super sugary drink after not having sleep or anything but water for 13 hours. I can remember telling myself, "don't throw up, don't throw up!" Because if you do, you have to come back and do it all over again. I don't have the nausea/vomiting that I had in the first trimester, but my stomach gets really sensitive if I go too long without eating. I can't believe how big the baby has gotten just in the last 4 weeks! I just suddenly popped out! It's so funny because people come up to me now and are like, "Oh, you really are pregnant aren't you!" Yeah, like I would really lie about something like that.... but anyways, my favorite part of this time has been at night before I go to bed. I'm usually all stressed out from work and so my new favorite way of relaxing before I fall asleep is to lay in bed with my hand on my stomach and just feel all the movements inside of me and think about what life is going to be like soon with this sweet little guy in our lives. If Josh hasn't already fallen asleep, he rolls over next to me and puts his hand on my belly too and we laugh every time the baby makes a really big movement, and talk about things before we drift off to sleep. That's what's so great about being married. You have a partner in life to go through these special moments with and I love that Josh is so attentive and loving towards me and the belly :).

Utah Baby Shower

I had the greatest time at my Utah baby shower! My mother in law put it on for me (with the help of some sister in laws) and it turned out beautifully. I couldn't believe how many people showed up! We had to have had at least 50 people in the house at one point! I felt so loved, and I truly appreciated everybody's support. I loved that I got to see people from college that I haven't seen in forever! The picture above is of me and my college roommate/best friend Wrandi. I loved that she came early just to help out and spend extra time with me! I hate that we live so far away now. 

Family is the best! And I married into a pretty dang good one!

I got so many adorable little clothes and toys!

Is this clever or what?! It's a dog riding a motorcycle made out of diapers!

The Prieto family, friends from our first married ward when we lived in the Sky Harbor Apartments. I was so excited that they came!

And of course, all the amazing food!

We were sad to leave Utah that Sunday after all the fun we had over the weekend. It was a short, but very sweet trip! Josh got to hang out with his brothers and go through the temple with his Dad which was a really great experience for him. We are proud of you Art! 

 

Clark County Fair 2013

Growing up in Logandale, NV meant for really boring summers and lots of time at the pool which can also become really boring when you do it all the time. But then there was the one perk to the rural life that still gets me excited every time spring rolls around..... THE CLARK COUNTY FAIR!! We met up with my family on Saturday and spent the day watching concerts, giant black bears doing tricks, eating wayyyyyy too much junk food, and playing at the carnival! It was pure bliss and I can't wait for next year when our baby can go too!

Sadie and I, getting our fair food on!

Riding the ferris wheel with my Momma. Being prego, that's the only ride I could go on so I had to watch while everyone else did the "big kid rides." I had fun just watching all the silly faces they made though so it all worked out.

 

Turning 25 

I turned 25 this march and although I had to work on my actual birthday, the other days we celebrated were so great, it made up for it!

Josh took me to Lake Las Vegas for the weekend!

If you haven't been there, GO! It's gorgeous! It's like a hidden oasis in the desert. Looking back, you can see how much the baby bump has grown in just a month!

We spent the weekend listening to outdoor concerts while eating chocolate caramel apples from the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory, lounging by the pool, and eating bratwursts since it was also St. Patrick's Day weekend.

We also did a family party which included a dinner of my choice and a beautifully set table with flowers and lots of love from everyone!

As you can see, we have been VERY VERY BUSY! Every week is packed with things to do, places to go, and people to see. But I wouldn't trade this life for anything. They broke ground on building our new house last week and so that process has finally started! Sadly, it probably won't be finished until after the baby is born but we are lucky to have such a great family who have been willing to let us stay with them while we wait for our new home! We can't wait to have our new home and our new baby. It's funny how life takes you places you didn't expect and then suddenly you realize that it was for the best and you are so much happier now than you ever could have been!

Baby News - 18 Weeks!

Wow, time is just flying by! I can't believe I am now in the 5th month of pregnancy and in about a week or so, we will get to find out if it's a boy or a girl! I can't even tell you how excited we are for that fun moment :). We went baby shopping/browsing last weekend which was so much fun! I was in the Girl's section, dying to buy all of the adorable little dresses. Meanwhile, Josh was in the Boy's section, picking out little Michael Jordan jerseys and sports action figures... Can you guess which gender we are rooting for? haha. Seriously though, we would both be just as happy to have a boy OR a girl. It's just fun to dream :). 

Just so you know, I am wearing the same outfit in all of my baby bump pictures because it makes it easier to see the growth/progress and at the end of the pregnancy, I want to make a collage that shows the baby bump from the beginning to the end. So NO, I don't wear the same clothes everyday ;).

At 18 Weeks:

All of my cravings have disappeared and I am now feeling almost completely normal! The baby bump is starting to grow more but I am still wearing all of my normal clothes. I no longer have to deal with nausea/vomiting (Praise the Lord!) and I am really starting to have fun with this pregnancy. 

At 16 weeks I felt the baby move for the first time while I was at work! I was beyond excited and couldn't wait to hurry and call Josh to tell him all about it! Now he/she is moving around quite a bit and on Valentines Day Josh got to feel it too! That was another special moment I will forever remember as one of the happiest moments of my life.

Now that I am starting to show more and am actually feeling the baby move around, it all seems more real to me that I am pregnant. I find myself talking to my stomach all the time and smiling like a fool whenever I feel it wiggle. I'm sure I look like a crazy person but I don't really care. 

The only downside to the past month has been having to tell my managers and coworkers that I am pregnant. I don't know why I am getting such a bad response, but it is really depressing! I mean, come on people, women work and have babies all the time! I am no new exception! 

 

Adjusting to the New Life

We have been living in Nevada for two weeks now and things are going pretty well. That's not to say we haven't had our extreme share of stressors, but we are learning that God is in control and there's no point in worrying about things when it always seems to work out perfectly in the end. Here's a run down of the past two weeks:

1) We were living out of our suitcases until our stuff was shipped out here. The pod came about a week later along with our car so we are now in the process of unloading our stuff and basically putting it all into storage until we find a more permanent situation.

2) We bought a new car!! We were both laughing about our choice in vehicle because at the beginning of our relationship, we owned a convertible Mustang and a Ford Explorer and now all we care about is gas prices and how many MPG's our cars get. So we are now the proud owners of two Toyota Yaris's! Who cares about looking cool when you've got the speed of a Toyota, right? Haha. The new car is my little commuter car, since I have to do a lot of traveling with my new job. It's a hatchback so no, we didn't buy two totally identical cars.... 

3) I started my new job! Well, the training and orientation part at least. I've been a Nephrology Nurse since graduation so I already have the job down, it's just the new laws and policies/procedures that come along with working in a new state that I have to learn about. So as you can imagine, it hasn't been too exciting. But I'm really feeling like I'm going to like the new switch from Chronic Kidney Failure to Acute Kidney Failure. It's a whole new world of problems and possibilities for my patients and I can't wait to learn and grow some more in my chosen field!

4) The next big thing on our to do list is to buy a house. We have started looking around the Henderson and Summerlin areas and have gotten really excited about all the possibilities and choices ahead of us! 

5) Baby has been doing great during all of this chaos. Thank goodness the second trimester has been a million times better than the first, or I would be praying for death right now. I just can't imagine trying to sart a new job and moving across the country again with how sick I was. So God has definitely been looking out for me!

6) We have been so lucky to have so much love and support through this big transition. Both of our families are amazing and we love them so much. My family has been so generous to let us stay with them until we find a house to buy and we have loved getting to spend more time with them than we have in  a long time. We also have awesome friends that we have loved being close to again and can't wait for all the fun times in store. Last night we drove to Henderson and hung out with my best friend Jura and her husband. We had a blast talking and catching up in their new beautiful home and laughing so hard we cried during our buffet dinner. I seriously haven't laughed that hard in a long time and it was so nice to feel that happy again. Yet another testament to us that we are right where we belong :).

7) Josh has been hard at work with job interviews and applications. The situation isn't ideal but we have faith that something will come along soon. We are so grateful that I make enough with my job to support us so Josh doesn't have to panic too badly about everything. Like I said before, we have come to the realization that our life is in God's hands and he obviously brought us here for a reason so there's no point in worrying about tomorrow.

8) And then there was our Super Bowl party! As you can see we had a ton of fun! Since Josh is a HUGE 49'ers fan he has lots of jerseys and shirts but sadly it was all packed away for the move so we didn't have any clothes to wear to show our support for San Francisco but we cheered loud and ate wayyyy too much food to make up for it :).

The gang! Way fun party :)

MMMmmmm

Baby News- 14 Weeks

When we first found out we were having a baby, I wanted to keep a strict journal everyday logging every moment of this experience. However, life gets crazy, and in our case... insane. So when I realized I am already 4 months pregnant and still haven't written much about it or even taken a picture, I decided it's time to blog! 

So how do I sum up the past 14 weeks? Well, at 5 weeks I took a pregnancy test and miraculously it was positive, even though I didn't have any symptoms besides horrible acne that decided to suddenly appear out of nowhere. I was so excited thinking, "heck, if being pregnant is this easy, it's going to be great!" Then week 6 arrived.... and with it came the miserable nausea and vomiting along with the complete lack of energy to even get out of bed some days. I had gotten into a really great exercise routine before I found out I was pregnant and had gotten up to running 5 miles and doing weights etc. So I was pretty bummed when that all had to stop because I couldn't sum up the energy to get my butt off the couch :(. I tried a few times to run and it always ended terribly so I gave up on it and just had to keep telling myself, "it's okay, you're pregnant!"

This continued the entire first trimester along with other uncomfortable symptoms that I won't go into detail about. Basically, I found myself constantly wondering, "What the heck is so wonderful and miraculous about this?! It sucks!!!" Eating became a chore because I knew that I would just throw it up anyway, and sleeping was hard because the constant nausea wasn't easy to ignore. I was mad at other women (yes you Mom) for making pregnancy sound so wonderful because it had given me false hope that there could possibly be a bright side to this situation.

And then, at 11 weeks we went to our first OB appointment. It was at that moment when we saw our little baby on the ultrasound monitor, and with the sudden rush of tears and emotion that came over me, I knew it was all going to be worth it! I could have sat there for days just staring at the screen, watching in awe as the baby moved around and seeing its little heart beating. I couldn't believe that miniature human was inside of me! Because I wasn't showing at all, a part of me was so worried that the doctor was going to tell me that I wasn't really pregnant and that it is all in my head. So imagine my relief when I saw proof that I wasn't crazy!! After the appointment, Josh and I went out to breakfast and all we could talk about was that amazing experience we just had and how crazy it is that we are going to be parents and how adorable our baby already is! It was a very emotional day for both of us and I will treasure it forever.

It has been a couple of weeks since then and I am already starting to feel better (Praise the Lord!!). The nausea/vomiting comes and goes but it is so nice to actually have some energy again and to have a few days of feeling normal! I am hoping that this will continue and the second trimester will be much more enjoyable than the first.

As far as cravings go, for some reason I am dying to eat tuna fish and tomato soup! I could eat it breakfast, lunch, and dinner every day if I allowed myself! The problems is, tuna fish contains mercury and that's not something you want to eat in excess when you are pregnant so the doctor told me it is fine as long as I only eat one can a week. This is so sad but I cherish that can and I dream about the next week when I can eat it again.... yes, I sound like a crazy person, I know.... And then there are oranges. That's a craving that seems to be subsiding now, but earlier in the first trimester, I ate a whole bag of Clementines by myself in two days!!

**At 14 weeks I am finally starting to show a little bit, but I mostly just feel bloated. The baby is the size of a lemon and weighs about 1 1/2 ounces. He/She can now grimace/squint/frown, suck his/her thumb, and is urinating! I'm going to be starting a new job the first week of February so I hope that I will continue to feel better and I don't find myself running out of a patient's room to go throw up. I haven't felt any kicking or movement yet, and sadly, the acne prevails!! Most acne medications are harmful to a baby so there is very little I can do about it. I just have to hope my face will someday go back to normal and doesn't scar too badly. It has been hard on my self esteem seeing my face look like a pizza but I have the most amazing husband who swears up and down that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. He might be a liar, but he is pretty dang good at it ;). 

"Rock of Ages, Still Rollin'......"

If you aren't a Def Leppard fan, the title of this post won't mean much to you. But for the rest of you 80's rockers, I chose this as the title because that's how our life feels. One minute we are up, the next minute we are down.... but in the end, we just "keep on rollin'" and the party continues. Have I confused you yet? Well keep reading and you will start to understand.

We left our home, jobs, and family like a couple of crazies and moved to North Carolina for a wonderful job opportunity.

At the UNC Homecoming Football Game

About two weeks later, we found out we are going to have a baby in July!

the cute little squirrel's first ultrasound picture :)

Then about a month after that, things started going bad at Josh's work and our faith was tested more than ever before, but we had to "keep on rollin'." We spent our first Christmas away from home/family and it actually turned out to be a really great party! We spent Christmas Eve at a church member's home with the rest of the Branch who had no family to go visit. The food was great and the company was even better! Josh even got to play one of the shepherds with the kids in the nativity pageant they put on for us adults....I'm sad I didn't take pictures because it was pretty dang funny watching him up there with all the kiddos. We will never forget their love and hospitality and are continually grateful for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and all it has done for us in our lives. We invited the missionaries over on Christmas Day for lunch and that too turned out to be pretty dang awesome! It was hard for me to be fighting morning sickness and still trying to cook and be a good hostess but it all worked out perfectly and Josh helped out a lot. It was hard to be homesick when we were constantly surrounded by amazing people.

Opening our presents on Christmas Morning!

The boys loading up on food!

Our guests for Christmas. They had awesome personalities and we had a  lot of fun talking for hours and eating way too much food.

Then a couple of weeks after that, I was offered a job opportunity as an Inpatient Dialysis RN in Las Vegas! It was an answer to our prayers for many reasons. The main one being that we could raise our baby close to family!! This kid is going to be so spoiled by my parents and sisters, and Josh's family will only be a 45 minute plane ride away! That's so much better than 2,000 miles away. Another reason we are so excited about this job is the HUGE increase in pay! I'm not going to give numbers, but let's just say that Nevada is pretty dang nice to its nurses ;). Just days prior, we were feeling really down and wondering why life was taking the strange turns that it was, and if there was anyone upstairs listening to us. Well, I can attest that there was! Now we have about two weeks to pack and move all of our stuff...again... and then......................

LAS VEGAS HERE WE COME!!!

So now does the title of this post make any sense? Our life has been one big crazy party! Sometimes the party was so exciting and wonderful that we couldn't believe it could ever get any better, and other times the party was so lame and sucky that we wished we could ditch it and find another party to go to. But in the end, we kept "Rock and Rollin'" and here we are! Onto the next adventure!